12 Ways To Maximize Time And Life
Word Count:
1347
Summary:
My business experience has taught me one true thing: That maximizing your productivity, happiness, peace, or impact can best be accomplished if you clearly understand the 12 Rules of Time.
1. Have goals
Being more efficient with your time is irrelevant if you don't know how you want to spend it. In managing time, the compass is more important than the clock. Know where you want to go and spend your time on the things that get you there.
Many people spend energy tr...
Keywords:
time management, time, goals, goal setting
Article Body:
My business experience has taught me one true thing: That maximizing your productivity, happiness, peace, or impact can best be accomplished if you clearly understand the 12 Rules of Time.
1. Have goals
Being more efficient with your time is irrelevant if you don't know how you want to spend it. In managing time, the compass is more important than the clock. Know where you want to go and spend your time on the things that get you there.
Many people spend energy trying to be more efficient without first doing what's important: setting goals. It's like being lost on your way to a new city. Driving faster doesn't help if you are going in the wrong direction. Figure out what direction to go in and head that way.
Once you've prepared it, your list of goals will reveal what is important to you.
2. Analyze how you spend your time
It is always good to know how you're spending your time right now. You can track this by setting a timer to go off every 15 minutes; whenever it sounds, write down exactly what you are doing. Alternatively, divide your day into 15-minute blocks and record each activity you do.
Once you have your time logs, examine them. How do they compare to your goals? Are you spending time where your priorities are?
3. Keep a to-do list
This sounds too simple, but it really is the basis of all time-management systems. Your to-do list can be electronic, on fancy paper, bound in a notebook or loose-leaf. The key is to have everything you want to accomplish on one list. My to-do list might have a one-line item on it, such as "write annual report," which refers me to a much larger file or even a file box on that item.
4. Prioritize your list
Once you have the list, determine which are the important items. Mark these with a highlighter, a red pen, or in any other way that makes them stand out.
I sometimes find my to-do list is too big. Every item on the list calls out "pay attention to me!", even though most of them weren't highlighted as important. In these cases, I take a blank sheet of paper and cover my to-do list and write down only the three or four most important items. Those are the ones to focus on.
5. Control procrastination
I use a number of tricks to break any lingering tendencies to procrastinate. For instance, I happen to like having a hard copy of my digital to-do list. I reprint it every few days as new items are added and completed ones dropped. It is at these times that I look for the items that I've marked as high priority, but which are just not getting done.
People often say I have great self-control. In truth, though, much of it is environment control. I control my environment to eliminate things that I might use to procrastinate. Take games off your computer, for example, sell your TV, and get rid of the busywork jobs that you use to avoid the important tasks.
I have developed one effective habit that has helped break me of procrastination: "Do the worst thing first." At the beginning of every day, I do the one task that is causing me the most stress, and that I haven't been getting done. Sometimes I just give it a quarter of an hour — based on the theory that I can stand just about anything for 15 minutes. Frequently it is this short thrust that breaks me through.
If I still find myself procrastinating, I review my reasons for setting a goal. To create extra motivation to complete a task, I strengthen the reasons why it should be done. Similarly, many people reward themselves for completing a job.
6. Organize
Organization and time management are linked. I find that I get important things done when I have all the tools I need to perform the job.
The opposite of organization — chaos, clutter, disorganization — generally leads to busy work. If your desk is piled high, every piece of paper says "look at me." You can end up doing a lot of work without ever getting to the important stuff.
7. Delegate
One way to expand your time is to get others to help you with it. The key to delegation is to hand off any tasks that someone else can do significantly faster or more easily than you can.
If you're protesting that you don't have anyone working directly for you to whom you can delegate tasks, no problem. Consider delegating to a peer, a superior, a supplier, or even a customer. Treat delegation like networking: who in your network would be best for the job?
In some cases you will need to invest up-front to train someone so he or she can take over a task from you. The long-term savings are usually worth the up-front time and costs.
After delegation, remember to thank appropriately. You might think people would resent being delegated to, but exactly the opposite is true. People like to be asked, especially if it is to do something that they're good at.
8. Master efficiency tricks
The best trick I have found is "The Power of While." What can you do while you drive? While you walk? While you clean? While you watch TV? I am a huge audio tape advocate and frequently listen to tapes while I am doing something else.
Being a techno person, I love all the organization software out there that allows me to keep my contacts, to-do lists and appointments. I also use gadgets such as cellphones, wireless e-mail, and personal digital assistants. Good use of technology can save you valuable time.
9. It's OK to say no
Saying "No" can be the most powerful time tool you can master. When someone asks you to do something, ask yourself how important this is. Does it help you achieve your goals? Is this a task you would be better at than most people? Don't always look for reasons to get out of things, but be strategic about what you take on.
This doesn't mean that I always say no when asked to help out. But if I do say no, I am always polite and tactful, and try to suggest someone else who would do the job well.
10. Focus
Committing 100% focus and concentration on one task at a time can be very powerful. Eliminate distractions. Focus on the task. When you're properly organized and prepared, when your energy and power are high, you can often complete a task in 20% of the time it would take when you're distracted or open to interruption.
11. Build your efficiency bank
High efficiency is not possible if you don't look after yourself. Eat right, exercise, sleep well and drink moderately. Mom knew best: all the things she said were good for you just happen to be best for your efficiency, too.
I also believe meditation can be a great way of building your efficiency. It could be transcendental meditation, Zen, or just finding a way to get into a relaxed state that lets you focus on the task you have to do. No matter how you do it, recharging your batteries gives you the power to do more during the times you need to be at your best.
12. Take care of yourself
It isn't possible to be "on" all the time. Take the time you need to look after yourself — body and soul — so that you can reach peak efficiency when you need to. Have a list of things you like to do. Find out what activities energize you, and spend more time doing them. This will give you the power and energy to be more productive when you return to work.
Finally, a word of advice. If after reading this far you're feeling a bit overwhelmed, I suggest you go back to Rule 1 and add peace (contentment) to your list of goals. Time management is not about adding stress; it is about giving you the time to be the person you really want to be.
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Monday, July 15, 2013
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
2 - How to be a Responsible Coach
2 - How to be a Responsible Coach
Word Count:
945
Summary:
Follow these important steps to becoming a more responsible and effective coach.
Keywords:
Coaching, responsible coach, coach, effective coach
Article Body:
Assuming the Responsibilities that come with Being a Coach
Who can forget the famous line of Peter Parker (Spiderman’s grandfath0065r)? He said, “With great power comes great responsibility.”
Society expects Spiderman – a comic book, TV and movie superhero with extraordinary powers – to be responsible for saving his town and the world from the forces of Evil. And he never let us down. Despite the temptations of owning such powers, he uses his abilities only for the good of the people around him.
Being a coach has similar parallels. They don’t have superhuman powers such as x-ray vision or flying through the air with magic “sticky ropes”. But great coaches can have real power through their abilities to help others – and with it, the responsibility – to guide others towards success. This is REAL power that can be used to help real people in THIS world. Done well, coaches can help others turn around their lives. Done wrong, and a coach could guide a client down the wrong path.
So, with this power to coach your clients towards manifesting their personal and/or business vision comes responsibilities. Great coaches assume them all as part of the professional responsibility. This can include everything from making sure your client is moving in the right direction, getting them back on course when they are not, and developing and tracking their use of exercises to help them along the way.
There are a few things you can do to be a more responsible coach. Just as important, these same skills can be imparted to your clients to help them lead more responsible, integrity-filled lives.
How to Bring out the more Responsible “You” in Yourself and your Client
#1 - Develop self-awareness.
Learn and know your own strengths and weaknesses to be able to view your behavior objectively. Recognize your shortcomings, receive feedback, and make changes when necessary. The more self-aware you become of all your aspects, the more you will know what kind of clients you can coach best and – just as important – those best referred to others.
Dr. Gerard Bell, business consultant and professor at the University of North Carolina in
Chapel Hill, advises us on how to expand our self-knowledge. He said, “Study yourself closely and practice self-assessment techniques to learn how you behave, and the effects you have on others. As others for their option, feedback, and suggestions to become a better coach.”
The lesson is simple: the more we grow, the more we can offer, and the more we can help others.
#2: Learn to Separate Responsibility from Worry
When we hear the word “responsibility”, we often think to ourselves, “Another task, another problem.” However, responsibility is not about worrying over things give to us to work out. Consider this story:
One night at the end of the second shift, the Head of Operations walked out of the plant he managed and passed a porter. A porter he passed said, “Mr. Smith, I sure wish I had your pay. But I wouldn’t want the worry that goes with it.”
Mr. Smith answered, “I give the best I can when I am here. But I drop the worry when I leave so I can be 100% with my family when I’m at home.”
You, too, can learn to give your best to challenging work, but then “leave it at the door” when you’re off-hours. Worrying accomplishes nothing except to eat away at us, and actually ends up making us less effective! Don’t let worry taint your clarity of judgment and ability to take decisive action. You can learn this as you grow.
Carrying the responsibility of coaching should not intimidate you. It is the ability to help others that coaching is all about. Embrace the responsibilities that come with it.
Nothing is gained by worrying about whether your clients achieve their goals or not. Focus on supporting and inspiring them. Be their partner in their growth. Brainstorm with them when it is called for. But ultimately, it is your client’s responsibility to assume responsibility for accomplishing their goals. You merely help them see and achieve this state.
#3: Take Calculated Risks and Learn from Your Mistakes
Effective coaches have the courage to ask their clients to take risks when results and success are uncertain. A willing ness to risk failure is a core attribute of all successful people.
As a coach you can help your clients work with risk and possible failure. Help them learn to analyze their situation and options. Work with them to list the pros and cons for each option, then assign each choice a risk factor rating from 1 to 5. Next, have them determine the likelihood of each occurring. This will help them quantify and manage the risk-taking process.
Also, lead them to a better paradigm regarding failure. What is failure other than great feedback that our current course of action isn’t the right path? Use this information for course correction. Failure doesn’t happen until we give up. If you don’t give up, then failure isn’t an option.
#4: Own and admit our mistakes
Our greatest lessons and growth come through our mistakes. Everyone makes them; it is part of life. Help your client understand this, and they will be able to draw the necessary lessons and take corrective action. If we do the “blame game”, we don’t even take the first step (ownership) in this process.
Not only does owning our mistakes and failures help us to be more truthful and powerful in our own lives. Owning and assuming responsibility for them lets others see the integrity and virtue within us, and hence further gain their respect.
*******
Coastal Latinos Club de Vacaciones y Negocio Paquetes de Vacaciones Ganar Dinero en Internet
Con acceso a más de 2.700 condominios, hoteles y resorts de 4 y 5 estrellas en más de 75 países.
Word Count:
945
Summary:
Follow these important steps to becoming a more responsible and effective coach.
Keywords:
Coaching, responsible coach, coach, effective coach
Article Body:
Assuming the Responsibilities that come with Being a Coach
Who can forget the famous line of Peter Parker (Spiderman’s grandfath0065r)? He said, “With great power comes great responsibility.”
Society expects Spiderman – a comic book, TV and movie superhero with extraordinary powers – to be responsible for saving his town and the world from the forces of Evil. And he never let us down. Despite the temptations of owning such powers, he uses his abilities only for the good of the people around him.
Being a coach has similar parallels. They don’t have superhuman powers such as x-ray vision or flying through the air with magic “sticky ropes”. But great coaches can have real power through their abilities to help others – and with it, the responsibility – to guide others towards success. This is REAL power that can be used to help real people in THIS world. Done well, coaches can help others turn around their lives. Done wrong, and a coach could guide a client down the wrong path.
So, with this power to coach your clients towards manifesting their personal and/or business vision comes responsibilities. Great coaches assume them all as part of the professional responsibility. This can include everything from making sure your client is moving in the right direction, getting them back on course when they are not, and developing and tracking their use of exercises to help them along the way.
There are a few things you can do to be a more responsible coach. Just as important, these same skills can be imparted to your clients to help them lead more responsible, integrity-filled lives.
How to Bring out the more Responsible “You” in Yourself and your Client
#1 - Develop self-awareness.
Learn and know your own strengths and weaknesses to be able to view your behavior objectively. Recognize your shortcomings, receive feedback, and make changes when necessary. The more self-aware you become of all your aspects, the more you will know what kind of clients you can coach best and – just as important – those best referred to others.
Dr. Gerard Bell, business consultant and professor at the University of North Carolina in
Chapel Hill, advises us on how to expand our self-knowledge. He said, “Study yourself closely and practice self-assessment techniques to learn how you behave, and the effects you have on others. As others for their option, feedback, and suggestions to become a better coach.”
The lesson is simple: the more we grow, the more we can offer, and the more we can help others.
#2: Learn to Separate Responsibility from Worry
When we hear the word “responsibility”, we often think to ourselves, “Another task, another problem.” However, responsibility is not about worrying over things give to us to work out. Consider this story:
One night at the end of the second shift, the Head of Operations walked out of the plant he managed and passed a porter. A porter he passed said, “Mr. Smith, I sure wish I had your pay. But I wouldn’t want the worry that goes with it.”
Mr. Smith answered, “I give the best I can when I am here. But I drop the worry when I leave so I can be 100% with my family when I’m at home.”
You, too, can learn to give your best to challenging work, but then “leave it at the door” when you’re off-hours. Worrying accomplishes nothing except to eat away at us, and actually ends up making us less effective! Don’t let worry taint your clarity of judgment and ability to take decisive action. You can learn this as you grow.
Carrying the responsibility of coaching should not intimidate you. It is the ability to help others that coaching is all about. Embrace the responsibilities that come with it.
Nothing is gained by worrying about whether your clients achieve their goals or not. Focus on supporting and inspiring them. Be their partner in their growth. Brainstorm with them when it is called for. But ultimately, it is your client’s responsibility to assume responsibility for accomplishing their goals. You merely help them see and achieve this state.
#3: Take Calculated Risks and Learn from Your Mistakes
Effective coaches have the courage to ask their clients to take risks when results and success are uncertain. A willing ness to risk failure is a core attribute of all successful people.
As a coach you can help your clients work with risk and possible failure. Help them learn to analyze their situation and options. Work with them to list the pros and cons for each option, then assign each choice a risk factor rating from 1 to 5. Next, have them determine the likelihood of each occurring. This will help them quantify and manage the risk-taking process.
Also, lead them to a better paradigm regarding failure. What is failure other than great feedback that our current course of action isn’t the right path? Use this information for course correction. Failure doesn’t happen until we give up. If you don’t give up, then failure isn’t an option.
#4: Own and admit our mistakes
Our greatest lessons and growth come through our mistakes. Everyone makes them; it is part of life. Help your client understand this, and they will be able to draw the necessary lessons and take corrective action. If we do the “blame game”, we don’t even take the first step (ownership) in this process.
Not only does owning our mistakes and failures help us to be more truthful and powerful in our own lives. Owning and assuming responsibility for them lets others see the integrity and virtue within us, and hence further gain their respect.
*******
Coastal Latinos Club de Vacaciones y Negocio Paquetes de Vacaciones Ganar Dinero en Internet
Con acceso a más de 2.700 condominios, hoteles y resorts de 4 y 5 estrellas en más de 75 países.
Y usted accederá a nuestras "Ofertas de Última Hora", que enviamos semanalmente a nuestros miembros para ahorrar aún más dinero!!
Te invito a que visites mi pagina web
!!! Tu puedes tener una igual !!!
Exitos!!! Ahora no hay excusas!!!
**********
!!! Tu puedes tener una igual !!!
Exitos!!! Ahora no hay excusas!!!
**********
Articles About Coaching Free
Articles About Coaching Free
http://articlesaboutcoachingfree.blogspot.com/
10 RAZONES PARA ASOCIARTE A COASTAL LATINOS
Coastal Latinos Club de Vacaciones y Negocio Paquetes de Vacaciones Ganar Dinero
http://www.coastal-latinos.net/Arzuaga
-----------
http://articlesaboutcoachingfree.blogspot.com/
10 RAZONES PARA ASOCIARTE A COASTAL LATINOS
Mirá todo lo que tenemos para ti en Coastal Latinos:
- Disfrutar de un resort de lujo 5 estrellas en un afamado destino y pagar solamente U$S 299 la semana de alojamiento para 4 pax precio total (aprox. U$S 10 p/persona p/día).
- Viajar todas las veces que quieras, sin estar atad@ a un solo destino vacacional o a una sola semana, con Coastal Latinos hay disponibilidad de alojamientos las 52 semanas del año.
- Compartir tus beneficios con familiares, amigos, socios, empleados. O sea que no solamente una persona se beneficia al ingresar como soci@ sino que muchas personas pueden viajar con los mismos beneficios sin ser soci@s.
- Tener la posibilidad de VACACIONES GRATIS, varios de nuestros socios ya calificaron para conocer el método para obtener las vacaciones gratis y varios ya las disfrutaron, TOTALMENTE GRATIS. Algunos socios ya obtuvieron varias semanas gratuitas.
- Flexibilidad: siempre tenés la opción de elegir tu destino de acuerdo a tus preferencias. Puede ser un resort de lujo apartado de la civilización para estar a pleno con la naturaleza, un hotel emplazado en pleno centro de una ciudad turística, una cabaña con el ruido de los pájaros en las sierras, ecoturismo, turismo de aventura, playas, montañas, etc.
- La posibilidad de ganar dinero si lo deseas. Los turistas convencionales viajan, sacan fotos, filman, suben las fotos a facebook, compran souvenirs, regalos y muestran sus vacaciones entre sus relaciones sin ganar nada a cambio. Los socios de Coastal Latinos hacen lo mismo y si una persona decide ingresar porque le gustó tu viaje y quiere hacerlo, la empresa te recompensa económicamente.
- Toda la infraestructura necesaria en el caso de quieras dedicarte al negocio: página web, robot autoresponder, páginas de aterrizaje, conferencias online, servicio de cierre de ventas telefónico, capacitación, contacto directo con el dueño de la empresa, trabajar en equipo, etc.
- La posibilidad de ahorrar SIEMPRE en tus vacaciones, y en muchos casos este ahorro llega hasta un 90% con respecto a los precios de lista de los hoteles y resorts.
- Los beneficios se disfrutan de por vida. No tenés que preocuparte por vencimientos, renovaciones, caducidad de los plazos. Aún cuando no estés usando los beneficios o cuando optes por viajar de otra manera y no de la manera inteligente que encontramos nosotros, aún así no pierdes tu calidad de soci@ ni tus beneficios como tal.
- Y todo esto lo puedes disfrutar mediante un ÚNICO PAGO. En Coastal Latinos no hay cuotas mensuales, no hay expensas, renovaciones, tasas de transferencia, gastos fijos, absolutamente nada, pagás UNA SOLA VEZ y desde el primer día disfrutás de nuestros beneficios
Coastal Latinos Club de Vacaciones y Negocio Paquetes de Vacaciones Ganar Dinero
http://www.coastal-latinos.net/Arzuaga
-----------
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Be a Storyteller, Not Just a Speaker
Be a Storyteller, Not Just a Speaker
Word Count:
240
Summary:
Stories develop themes. The themes chosen to illustrate the possibility of stories are: Relationships, Choice, Creativity, Making a Difference, Celebration.
Keywords:
fear, public, speaking, speak, speech, coach, coaching, business, professional, organization, motivate, confident, corporate, executive, effective, national, personal, achievement, success, group
Article Body:
Stories develop themes. The themes chosen to illustrate the possibility of stories are:
Relationships, Choice, Creativity, Making a Difference, Celebration.
Speakers are ordinarily people, from teachers to grandparents, from mountain climbers to cancer survivors. The platform provides them with a privilege and awesome responsibility to share their stories in a way that helps the audience to “wake up.” Good stories make people say, “Wait a minute. I can think or act differently about everything than I did before.” Stories are everywhere. Speakers learn to retrieve them and retell them to audiences as a way to show their humanness to show they care; to open people to possibility thinking and how making mistakes will lead to the courage to finally help them succeed. Because most of us delineate our thoughts visually, great stories help to enhance and even transform our lives.
Be unique. Think funny thoughts. Live and re-live your story when you are telling a story. Words are critical so be sure to pause when necessary and BE IN THE NOW. Your words need to create an image in the audience’s mind so that they can remember your story. They may be a step away from their own story. This will strengthen the connection between you and them.
It’s a good idea to use props to enhance your humor. Remember most people have an attention span of six to eight minutes.
The Coach asks… what is your story?
Word Count:
240
Summary:
Stories develop themes. The themes chosen to illustrate the possibility of stories are: Relationships, Choice, Creativity, Making a Difference, Celebration.
Keywords:
fear, public, speaking, speak, speech, coach, coaching, business, professional, organization, motivate, confident, corporate, executive, effective, national, personal, achievement, success, group
Article Body:
Stories develop themes. The themes chosen to illustrate the possibility of stories are:
Relationships, Choice, Creativity, Making a Difference, Celebration.
Speakers are ordinarily people, from teachers to grandparents, from mountain climbers to cancer survivors. The platform provides them with a privilege and awesome responsibility to share their stories in a way that helps the audience to “wake up.” Good stories make people say, “Wait a minute. I can think or act differently about everything than I did before.” Stories are everywhere. Speakers learn to retrieve them and retell them to audiences as a way to show their humanness to show they care; to open people to possibility thinking and how making mistakes will lead to the courage to finally help them succeed. Because most of us delineate our thoughts visually, great stories help to enhance and even transform our lives.
Be unique. Think funny thoughts. Live and re-live your story when you are telling a story. Words are critical so be sure to pause when necessary and BE IN THE NOW. Your words need to create an image in the audience’s mind so that they can remember your story. They may be a step away from their own story. This will strengthen the connection between you and them.
It’s a good idea to use props to enhance your humor. Remember most people have an attention span of six to eight minutes.
The Coach asks… what is your story?
Assist the Universe In Manifesting Your Desires
Assist the Universe In Manifesting Your Desires
Word Count:
429
Summary:
Even though we sometimes feel like we understand all the concepts of manifesting, it just doesn't seem to be working. How can I assist the Universe in making it happen?
Keywords:
manifest, take action
Article Body:
So you think understand the principles of manifesting but you cannot explain why these things are not coming to you. You believe that we create our reality. You understand the laws of attraction, and believe that what we think about we attract into our experience. You have even been practicing these principles, that is, when you remember to. When you think about it, you are repeating affirmations such as: My perfect relationship is available and I deserve to have it. My income level is constantly increasing. Okay, then, why is that perfect relationship or more income not what you’re experiencing?
You may be trying to blame your parents for instilling some limiting belief that money is bad or that there is something spiritual about suffering. It really doesn’t matter where some of your beliefs come from or how many of them you have. There is a way around this. You need to focus on the beliefs that do serve you better such as: The Universe is full of abundance. The Universe wants to bring my desires to me. Even the Bible says, Ask and it shall be given.
You may be feeling unworthy. If you don’t think that you deserve to be happy and successful, how can you possibly create that in your life? Remember again, that the Bible tells us that all things are possible.
You keep waiting. Okay, so you are 1) believing that it IS possible to have all you desire. And, 2) you are now feeling worthy. You feel like you have done your part and now you are just waiting for the Universe (or God, if you prefer) to fulfill those desires. There is another little piece here that could perhaps be the missing link. Take action. But wait a minute here you say. I thought that I just have to ask and know that the Universe will supply, and presto! it appears. Let’s see how taking action can assist in this process.
When you take action, any action in the direction of your desire, you are showing the Universe that you are serious. It also facilitates the process because you have focused your attention on your action instead of your waiting. This action need not be huge earth-shattering stuff. This action can come from feeling of inspiration, intuition, or even coincidental events. One very important thing to keep in mind when you do take action: be sure to feel good about it, about yourself and what you want beforehand. Now you know how to assist the Universe in fulfilling your dreams.
Word Count:
429
Summary:
Even though we sometimes feel like we understand all the concepts of manifesting, it just doesn't seem to be working. How can I assist the Universe in making it happen?
Keywords:
manifest, take action
Article Body:
So you think understand the principles of manifesting but you cannot explain why these things are not coming to you. You believe that we create our reality. You understand the laws of attraction, and believe that what we think about we attract into our experience. You have even been practicing these principles, that is, when you remember to. When you think about it, you are repeating affirmations such as: My perfect relationship is available and I deserve to have it. My income level is constantly increasing. Okay, then, why is that perfect relationship or more income not what you’re experiencing?
You may be trying to blame your parents for instilling some limiting belief that money is bad or that there is something spiritual about suffering. It really doesn’t matter where some of your beliefs come from or how many of them you have. There is a way around this. You need to focus on the beliefs that do serve you better such as: The Universe is full of abundance. The Universe wants to bring my desires to me. Even the Bible says, Ask and it shall be given.
You may be feeling unworthy. If you don’t think that you deserve to be happy and successful, how can you possibly create that in your life? Remember again, that the Bible tells us that all things are possible.
You keep waiting. Okay, so you are 1) believing that it IS possible to have all you desire. And, 2) you are now feeling worthy. You feel like you have done your part and now you are just waiting for the Universe (or God, if you prefer) to fulfill those desires. There is another little piece here that could perhaps be the missing link. Take action. But wait a minute here you say. I thought that I just have to ask and know that the Universe will supply, and presto! it appears. Let’s see how taking action can assist in this process.
When you take action, any action in the direction of your desire, you are showing the Universe that you are serious. It also facilitates the process because you have focused your attention on your action instead of your waiting. This action need not be huge earth-shattering stuff. This action can come from feeling of inspiration, intuition, or even coincidental events. One very important thing to keep in mind when you do take action: be sure to feel good about it, about yourself and what you want beforehand. Now you know how to assist the Universe in fulfilling your dreams.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Are You Invisible?
Are You Invisible?
Word Count:
759
Summary:
Ellen was brought up to be invisible. She was taught to be very tuned into others’ feelings and needs, but to never have any of her own. Her family made it clear to her that her job was to give to them but to never expect anything in return. As a result, Ellen learned to be totally tuned out to her own feelings and needs. It was as if she, as a person, didn’t really exist, other than to be there for others.
Keywords:
self improvement, self help, visibility, attraction, self confidence
Article Body:
Ellen was brought up to be invisible. She was taught to be very tuned into others’ feelings and needs, but to never have any of her own. Her family made it clear to her that her job was to give to them but to never expect anything in return. As a result, Ellen learned to be totally tuned out to her own feelings and needs. It was as if she, as a person, didn’t really exist, other than to be there for others.
When Ellen’s feelings and needs did surface, she would tell herself that they weren’t important, that she was strong and could handle not having her feelings cared for and or her needs recognized. She convinced herself that if she just cared enough about others, others would eventually care about her. It never happened.
The inner stress of never attending to her own feelings and needs and always feeling so invisible to others as a result finally took a toll on Ellen’s health. Ellen is now dealing with cancer and finally has to attend to herself.
Many of us have learned to be invisible – to ourselves and to others. What are some of the ways you create invisibility?
* Do you remain silent, not speaking up for yourself, when feeling discounted or unseen by others?
* Do you ignore your own feelings and needs in deference to others?
* Do you go along with what others want, even if you really want something else?
* Do you accept blame for things that you know are not really your responsibility?
* Do you put aside your own opinions and accept the opinions of others to be accepted?
* Do you accept disrespectful behavior from others, finding ways to excuse the behavior?
* Do you pretend everything is okay when you are really feeling lonely or sad?
* Are you conflict avoidant, preferring peace at any cost rather than rock the boat?
* Are you carrying too much of the load at home or at work, without complaint?
* Do you pretend to like a food, a movie, a topic of conversation, or sex, rather than run the risk of disapproval or rejection?
* Do you allow yourself to be violated in any way – physically, emotionally, verbally, sexually – to avoid rejection?
* Do you allow others’ anger or bullying to control you into doing what they want?
* Do you do everything yourself, never asking others for help?
How often do you end up feeling unappreciated, unseen, not valued? How much of this is a reflection of how you treat yourself?
If your own feelings and needs are invisible to yourself, they will end up being invisible to others. It is not realistic to constantly put yourself aside and then expect others to value and respect you. Anytime you tolerate uncaring or disrespectful behavior in others to avoid conflict, you are training others to see you as invisible, to not care about your feelings and needs.
If you have been allowing yourself to be invisible for a long time, it is a real challenge to start to care about yourself. You need to be willing to go through a difficult period of feeling others’ anger and resentment. After all, you trained them for years to not have to care about you or see you, and now you are changing the rules. They won’t like it, but they will eventually respect you for it. You will also discover in the process of caring about yourself who really cares about you and who has just been using you. Those people who really care about you will eventually applaud your self-care, while those who were just using you will go away or be constantly angry with you for changing.
It takes great courage to shift from invisibility to being seen and valued. It takes great courage to be willing to lose others rather than continue to lose yourself. Yet, like with Ellen, your very life may depend upon it. Hopefully, you will not wait until you are ill or feel alone and cast aside by others to start to become visible to yourself.
It must start with yourself – with learning to tune into, acknowledge, value, and take loving action for yourself regarding your own feelings and needs. It means moving into personal responsibility for your own feelings and needs rather than taking care of everyone else in the hopes they will eventually take care of you. If you are ever going to feel cared for and loved, it has to start with you caring about and being loving to yourself!
Word Count:
759
Summary:
Ellen was brought up to be invisible. She was taught to be very tuned into others’ feelings and needs, but to never have any of her own. Her family made it clear to her that her job was to give to them but to never expect anything in return. As a result, Ellen learned to be totally tuned out to her own feelings and needs. It was as if she, as a person, didn’t really exist, other than to be there for others.
Keywords:
self improvement, self help, visibility, attraction, self confidence
Article Body:
Ellen was brought up to be invisible. She was taught to be very tuned into others’ feelings and needs, but to never have any of her own. Her family made it clear to her that her job was to give to them but to never expect anything in return. As a result, Ellen learned to be totally tuned out to her own feelings and needs. It was as if she, as a person, didn’t really exist, other than to be there for others.
When Ellen’s feelings and needs did surface, she would tell herself that they weren’t important, that she was strong and could handle not having her feelings cared for and or her needs recognized. She convinced herself that if she just cared enough about others, others would eventually care about her. It never happened.
The inner stress of never attending to her own feelings and needs and always feeling so invisible to others as a result finally took a toll on Ellen’s health. Ellen is now dealing with cancer and finally has to attend to herself.
Many of us have learned to be invisible – to ourselves and to others. What are some of the ways you create invisibility?
* Do you remain silent, not speaking up for yourself, when feeling discounted or unseen by others?
* Do you ignore your own feelings and needs in deference to others?
* Do you go along with what others want, even if you really want something else?
* Do you accept blame for things that you know are not really your responsibility?
* Do you put aside your own opinions and accept the opinions of others to be accepted?
* Do you accept disrespectful behavior from others, finding ways to excuse the behavior?
* Do you pretend everything is okay when you are really feeling lonely or sad?
* Are you conflict avoidant, preferring peace at any cost rather than rock the boat?
* Are you carrying too much of the load at home or at work, without complaint?
* Do you pretend to like a food, a movie, a topic of conversation, or sex, rather than run the risk of disapproval or rejection?
* Do you allow yourself to be violated in any way – physically, emotionally, verbally, sexually – to avoid rejection?
* Do you allow others’ anger or bullying to control you into doing what they want?
* Do you do everything yourself, never asking others for help?
How often do you end up feeling unappreciated, unseen, not valued? How much of this is a reflection of how you treat yourself?
If your own feelings and needs are invisible to yourself, they will end up being invisible to others. It is not realistic to constantly put yourself aside and then expect others to value and respect you. Anytime you tolerate uncaring or disrespectful behavior in others to avoid conflict, you are training others to see you as invisible, to not care about your feelings and needs.
If you have been allowing yourself to be invisible for a long time, it is a real challenge to start to care about yourself. You need to be willing to go through a difficult period of feeling others’ anger and resentment. After all, you trained them for years to not have to care about you or see you, and now you are changing the rules. They won’t like it, but they will eventually respect you for it. You will also discover in the process of caring about yourself who really cares about you and who has just been using you. Those people who really care about you will eventually applaud your self-care, while those who were just using you will go away or be constantly angry with you for changing.
It takes great courage to shift from invisibility to being seen and valued. It takes great courage to be willing to lose others rather than continue to lose yourself. Yet, like with Ellen, your very life may depend upon it. Hopefully, you will not wait until you are ill or feel alone and cast aside by others to start to become visible to yourself.
It must start with yourself – with learning to tune into, acknowledge, value, and take loving action for yourself regarding your own feelings and needs. It means moving into personal responsibility for your own feelings and needs rather than taking care of everyone else in the hopes they will eventually take care of you. If you are ever going to feel cared for and loved, it has to start with you caring about and being loving to yourself!
Are You Controlling or Loving Yourself?
Are You Controlling or Loving Yourself?
Word Count:
852
Summary:
How often do you hear a parental voice in your head that says things like, “You’ve got to lose weight,” or “You should get up earlier every morning and exercise,” or “Today I should get caught up on the bills,” or “I’ve got to get rid of this clutter.” Let’s explore what happens in response to this voice.
Keywords:
self improvement, coaching, self discipline, goals, psychology
Article Body:
How often do you hear a parental voice in your head that says things like, “You’ve got to lose weight,” or “You should get up earlier every morning and exercise,” or “Today I should get caught up on the bills,” or “I’ve got to get rid of this clutter.” Let’s explore what happens in response to this voice.
We have a very good reason for judging ourselves: the judgmental part of us believes that by judging, criticizing, “shoulding” ourselves, we will motivate ourselves to take action and therefore protect against failure or rejection. We may have been judging ourselves to get ourselves to do things “right” since we were kids, hoping to keep ourselves in line. And we keep on doing it because we believe it works.
Let’s take the example of Karl, who is a high-powered executive in a large accounting firm. Karl has had a heart attack and is supposed to watch his diet. Right after his heart attack, he did well avoiding sugar, fats, and overeating, but after six months or so, he found himself struggling with his food plan. In our counseling session, Karl told me he was upset with himself for having a big desert as well as a big meal the night before. I asked Karl to put himself back into the situation and recreate what he had been feeling.
“Well, I was out to dinner with one of our biggest clients. He asked me a question and I didn’t remember the facts, so I couldn’t answer him. As soon as this happened, that voice came into my head telling me that I’m stupid, that I should have remembered it and ‘What’s the matter with me anyway?’”
“What did you feel as soon as you judged yourself?” I asked.
“Well, looking back, I think I felt that sad, sort of dark empty hollow feeling I often get inside. And you know what - that’s when I started to eat a lot of bread with tons of butter and ordered the desert! I didn’t realize it was in response to that empty feeling that I hate!”
“So the sad empty feeling is what you feel when you judge yourself. Judging yourself is an inner abandonment, so your Inner Child then feels alone, sad and empty. You are telling your Child that he is not good enough. I know that you don’t do this with your actual children, but you do it a lot with yourself, don’t you?”
“Yeah, I think it do it all the time. After I judged myself for not knowing the answer, then I judged myself for eating too much and having desert. And then I felt even worse.”
“So what did you hope for by judging yourself?
“I guess I hoped that I could control my eating and also get myself to work harder so I wouldn’t forget things.”
“It doesn’t seem to be working.”
“No, it just makes me feel terrible. In fact, I can see that judging myself for not knowing the answer made me feel so badly that then I wanted to eat more. Instead of giving me more control, it gave me less!”
“So you are trying to have control over yourself through your self-judgments, but what actually happens is that you feel awful and behave in addictive ways to avoid the pain. I think what also happens is that some part of you goes into resistance to being judged and told what to do, so you end up doing the opposite of what you tell yourself you should do.”
“Right. As soon as I tell myself not to eat so much and judge myself for eating, that’s when I really want to eat. So I’m eating to not be controlled and also because in judging myself I’m abandoning myself, which makes me feel sad and empty, and I’ve always used food to fill up that emptiness. Whew! How do I stop this cycle?”
“You can’t stop it until you are conscious of it. As long as you are doing it unconsciously - on automatic pilot - you have no choice over it. So the first thing you can do is not try to change it but just notice it. As you become very aware of this pattern, you will have the choice to change it. You will have the choice to be loving and caring toward yourself instead of judgmental once you become aware of what you are doing. You can start by noticing every time you feel that empty sad feeling, and then exploring what you were telling yourself that led to the painful feeling.”
Karl did start to notice and over time was able to stop judging himself. Not only did the sad empty feeling that he had experienced so often in his life go away, but he was able to keep to his medical nutrition plan for his heart. When his Inner Child felt loved instead of judged, he didn’t need to eat to take away the pain.
Word Count:
852
Summary:
How often do you hear a parental voice in your head that says things like, “You’ve got to lose weight,” or “You should get up earlier every morning and exercise,” or “Today I should get caught up on the bills,” or “I’ve got to get rid of this clutter.” Let’s explore what happens in response to this voice.
Keywords:
self improvement, coaching, self discipline, goals, psychology
Article Body:
How often do you hear a parental voice in your head that says things like, “You’ve got to lose weight,” or “You should get up earlier every morning and exercise,” or “Today I should get caught up on the bills,” or “I’ve got to get rid of this clutter.” Let’s explore what happens in response to this voice.
We have a very good reason for judging ourselves: the judgmental part of us believes that by judging, criticizing, “shoulding” ourselves, we will motivate ourselves to take action and therefore protect against failure or rejection. We may have been judging ourselves to get ourselves to do things “right” since we were kids, hoping to keep ourselves in line. And we keep on doing it because we believe it works.
Let’s take the example of Karl, who is a high-powered executive in a large accounting firm. Karl has had a heart attack and is supposed to watch his diet. Right after his heart attack, he did well avoiding sugar, fats, and overeating, but after six months or so, he found himself struggling with his food plan. In our counseling session, Karl told me he was upset with himself for having a big desert as well as a big meal the night before. I asked Karl to put himself back into the situation and recreate what he had been feeling.
“Well, I was out to dinner with one of our biggest clients. He asked me a question and I didn’t remember the facts, so I couldn’t answer him. As soon as this happened, that voice came into my head telling me that I’m stupid, that I should have remembered it and ‘What’s the matter with me anyway?’”
“What did you feel as soon as you judged yourself?” I asked.
“Well, looking back, I think I felt that sad, sort of dark empty hollow feeling I often get inside. And you know what - that’s when I started to eat a lot of bread with tons of butter and ordered the desert! I didn’t realize it was in response to that empty feeling that I hate!”
“So the sad empty feeling is what you feel when you judge yourself. Judging yourself is an inner abandonment, so your Inner Child then feels alone, sad and empty. You are telling your Child that he is not good enough. I know that you don’t do this with your actual children, but you do it a lot with yourself, don’t you?”
“Yeah, I think it do it all the time. After I judged myself for not knowing the answer, then I judged myself for eating too much and having desert. And then I felt even worse.”
“So what did you hope for by judging yourself?
“I guess I hoped that I could control my eating and also get myself to work harder so I wouldn’t forget things.”
“It doesn’t seem to be working.”
“No, it just makes me feel terrible. In fact, I can see that judging myself for not knowing the answer made me feel so badly that then I wanted to eat more. Instead of giving me more control, it gave me less!”
“So you are trying to have control over yourself through your self-judgments, but what actually happens is that you feel awful and behave in addictive ways to avoid the pain. I think what also happens is that some part of you goes into resistance to being judged and told what to do, so you end up doing the opposite of what you tell yourself you should do.”
“Right. As soon as I tell myself not to eat so much and judge myself for eating, that’s when I really want to eat. So I’m eating to not be controlled and also because in judging myself I’m abandoning myself, which makes me feel sad and empty, and I’ve always used food to fill up that emptiness. Whew! How do I stop this cycle?”
“You can’t stop it until you are conscious of it. As long as you are doing it unconsciously - on automatic pilot - you have no choice over it. So the first thing you can do is not try to change it but just notice it. As you become very aware of this pattern, you will have the choice to change it. You will have the choice to be loving and caring toward yourself instead of judgmental once you become aware of what you are doing. You can start by noticing every time you feel that empty sad feeling, and then exploring what you were telling yourself that led to the painful feeling.”
Karl did start to notice and over time was able to stop judging himself. Not only did the sad empty feeling that he had experienced so often in his life go away, but he was able to keep to his medical nutrition plan for his heart. When his Inner Child felt loved instead of judged, he didn’t need to eat to take away the pain.
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